btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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