My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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