I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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