I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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