there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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