please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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