Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize