No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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