Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize