Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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