Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she smelled like a LAN party
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize