Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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