I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize