I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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