the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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