opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dear god my vagina.
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