never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Semen is not good for contacts.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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