FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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