You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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