I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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