Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize