3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
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I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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