best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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