I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just invented taco cereal.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
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I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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