Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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