im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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