I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I will die if light touches me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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