Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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