My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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