apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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