3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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