her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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