Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
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What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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