Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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