She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
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my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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