I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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