Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize