I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize