Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize