I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so let's talk penis.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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