His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
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They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
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I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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