I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
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feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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