do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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