I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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