"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize