New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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