You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
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i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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