Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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