I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I intend to get homeless drunk
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
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Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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