im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize